urban wildlife

Posted by on July 6, 2005 in general thoughts | 1 comment

I love my friends, sometimes they make me laugh so hard it hurts. 8)

Someone, who shall remain nameless, asked me yesterday (in all seriousness, with a hint of fear)

“Do you think a fox would attack me?”

😀 😀 😀 😀

So in their honour:

Luke’s guide to urban wildlife survival!

The Grey Squirrel: Mostly harmless.
A furry tree dwelling rodent. Care should be taken when walking under certain trees during the autumn months as these seemingly innocent critters can become territorial and launch nuts at you. Suggested safety gear: a hard hat.

The Pesky Seagull: Moderately dangerous.
In mating season, a defensive seagull is a formidable enemy, swooping, sqwarking and poop-bombing you, should you happen to be in their territory. Injuries likely to be mainly to the pride, with possibilities of peck wounding. Consider carrying some form of umbrella as both a weapon and a defensive sheild against poop.

The Urban Fox: Entirely Harmless.
The urban fox, although vaguely big cat/dog like, is predominantly a scavenger and not, as some people may believe, a vicious man eating predator. Despite its name, the urban fox is unlikely to be found in your local RnB nightclub. In the unlikely event you manage to corner one with its infants in tow, it may try and bite you. To prevent against fox attack, you should always carry a pot noodle horn. Blowing of the horn will cause immediate fear as the fox believes it is about to be hunted, causing them to flee.

Please feel free to add your own information on urban wildlife survival, I think it’s important we all understand the risks….

1 Comment

  1. Shut up Luke!


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