bit heavy for a monday but had to be written, sorry
It’s been an odd weekend. On Friday I realised that the sudden un-expected death of a 25 year old girl from an electrical seizure (rare form of epilepsy) that I’d read about in the local paper, was someone I knew. Whilst I didn’t know her that well, she was someone I’d worked with in clubland quite a few times through the years who’d always bounce up and say hello.. I’d also worked with her boyfriend on a project for a few months last summer.. then just, snap, she’s gone.
Late on Saturday afternoon I also had a call to say that gran on my dad’s side of the family had passed away. (aka “mad gran” for those in the know – I think I inherited a lot of her genes actually) She’d been ill for some time and the last few times I went up to see her, I came away with the sad but realistic knowledge it could be the last time I saw her. She lived a full and hectic life almost to the end, it’s such a cliche to say that she was a shadow of herself in hospital and I really feel like she’d just lived her whole life and then died.
I didn’t want to dwell on these things over the weekend so I haven’t really said anything to anyone till now, it is sad when you lose someone you love and respect but for me the worst thing is a million people asking if you’re ok – I deal with things on my own and then just get on with it.
I have gran to thank for a lot of who I am as a person; my entrepenurial spirit can be traced to many a childhood day spent playing shop with old boxes she kept in a suitcase and admiration for the years she ran her shop. A spirit of adventure and living life to its full can be best summed up by her hot air ballooning for her 70th birthday and countless other crazy adventures she’d had!
So now, it’s 3am monday morning and as usual the body clocks a bit messed up after working till silly o’clock friday and a night out on saturday, I can’t sleep with thoughts rattling round my head, so I have to empty them here and look ahead to an exciting phase: the refurnishing (more to come on that soon!) and de-cluttering has almost been completed, meaning I now have an adult flat… I’m, hopefully (funeral arrangements permitting), off to take part in my first flashmob on Wednesday (another tick on my life to-do list). Got 3 good gigs this weekend lined up (DV8 party Thu and Fri + Sun in the newly extended basement @ toko) and I’m reflecting but not dwelling on life being finite.
Times like this can make you feel a bit alone in the world, I think it’s hard as a bloke to admit that… mind you, since when have I been a typical bloke? Maybe I’ll go speed dating again, sign up for online dating or just ask a few girls out, carpe diem n that.
Hurray for my friends, I know you’re out there and yes, I will shout if I need you.