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OK, the gloves are off… stop sending me FECKING stupid forwarded emails!!!!

THEY ARE ALWAYS HOAXES YOU DUMB ASS IDIOTS.

Sorry, that was maybe a bit harsh… regular readers will know its a pet hate of mine but this takes the biscuit… I had a hoax email sent to me via someone in the police force about a fake date rape case. Now I’m almost of the opinion to reply back to the originators boss and get them in trouble, that seems a bit harsh though… But for fecks sake, someone within the police (even if they are a clerk or whatever) adds credibility to these damned urban myths!

What possess these people to believe this rubbish? Snopes Hoax Checker

As a gesture of goodwill I attach the only good fwd I have seen in a long time, although note I didn’t email it on!

A big thank you & Happy Christmas

My heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me ‘forwards’ over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed and healthy.

Extra thanks to whoever it was that sent me the email about rat crap in the glue on envelopes - because I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope.

Also, I scrub The top of every can I open for the same reason.

Because of your genuine concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it I know it can remove toilet stains, which is not exactly an appealing characteristic as you imagine it running through your intestines.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer eat KFC because their “chickens” are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. In fact I no longer eat chicken nor any other article with feathers and wings lest I be struck down with bird flu.

I no longer worry about my soul because at last count, I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seventeen of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl on the internet who is about to die in hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all in fact - but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special on-line email program.

Yes, I want to thank you all so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favour!

If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diahorrea will land on your head at 5:00 PM (EST) this afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s beautician.

Merry Christmas, may your computer explode on the next attempt to send a forward!